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SRUŠENI STARI MITOVI Zašto muškarci varaju
Iako je uvriježeno mišljenje da muškarci varaju samo zbog seksa, najnovije istraživanje je pokazalo da većina njih vara jer u vezi osjeća emotivnu prazninu. Ljubavnice ne biraju jer su fizički privlačnije od njihovih supruga, nego zato što im pružaju toplinu i divljenje
Vječno pitanje koje si postavljaju žene diljem svijeta glasi: 'Zašto muškarci varaju?' Odgovor je pokušao pronaći bračni savjetnik M. Gary Neuman. Radeći na svojoj novoj knjizi 'Istina o varanju', Neuman je proučavao 200 vjernih i nevjernih muškaraca, pokušavajući doznati stvarne razloge zbog kojih muškarci varaju. Tijekom svoga istraživanja Neuman je došao do zanimljivih spoznaja.
Oko 66 posto muškaraca osjeća krivnju zbog varanja
Čak 48 posto muškaraca kao razlog varanja navelo je emotivno nezadovoljstvo. Ta je spoznaja uništila mit prema kojemu muškarci varaju samo zbog seksa. Štoviše, tek osam posto muškaraca izjavilo je da vara partnericu zbog nezadovoljstva seksualnim životom. Neuman napominje kako je velika zabluda razmišljanje da muškarcima nisu važne emocije. Kako kaže, oni žele partnerice pune razumijevanja i topline.
Tijekom istraživanja Neuman je otkrio i da 66 posto muškaraca tijekom afere osjeća krivnju. 'To pokazuje da muškarci koji varaju ipak nisu samo kreteni kojima nije stalo do partnerice. Zapravo, 68 posto njih nikada nije zamišljalo da će biti nevjerni i velika većina njih voljela bi da nisu bili nevjerni', pojašnjava Neuman. Ipak, krivnja očito nije dovoljna da zaustavi muškarce u varanju. Za razliku od žena, muškarci vrlo uspješno upravljaju emocijama i imaju sposobnost 'spremiti ih u određene ladice u mozgu'. Stoga, kaže Neuman, ako vam se suprug i zaklinje da vas nikada neće prevariti, nemojte biti posve sigurni da se to neće dogoditi.
Nekima je varanje sasvim normalna stvar
77 posto muškaraca izjavilo je da ima prijatelje koji varaju. Družeći se s takvim muškarcima koji varanje doživljavaju kao normalnu stvar, muškarac počinje razmišljati na ovaj način: 'Moj je prijatelj dobar čovjek koji, slučajno, vara suprugu. Izgleda da to čine i najbolji od nas.' Partnericama takvih muškaraca Neuman savjetuje da sebe i svoga supruga okruže društvom sretnih bračnih parova.
Oko 40 posto muškaraca koji su skloni varanju drugu ženu upoznalo je na poslu. 'Vrlo često je riječ o ženi kojoj je muškarac na poslu nadređen i koja mu se divi', ističe Neuman. Ženama savjetuje da kod kuće stvore atmosferu u kojoj će se muškarac osjećati cijenjen i važan te, kako kaže, na taj način neće poželjeti aferu u uredu.
U istraživanju je svega 12 posto muškaraca reklo da im je ljubavnica fizički privlačnija od supruge. Drugim riječima, muškarci ne varaju jer misle da će seks biti bolji sa zgodnijom ženom. 'U većini slučajeva muškarci varaju kako bi ispunili emotivnu prazninu. Povežu se s određenom ženom, a seks dolazi kao nadopuna te povezanosti', kaže Neuman. Kako bi se izbjegao ovakav scenarij, Neuman savjetuje ženama da se pobrinu za bolju povezanost sa suprugom, a ne da se usredotoče samo na svoj fizički izgled. 'To ne znači da trebate zapustiti seksualni život. Naprotiv!', poručuje bračni savjetnik Neuman.
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